Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me. I ate the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger in her bum and the shape of a elf on her forehead.

The story:

This is actually what I thought the lyrics were for several years, although it made no sense to me. I heard my parents saying what the actual lyrics were and that's how I learned what they really were. I hope no one ever heard me singing it!