Wrapped up like a douche
To the ruler in the night...

With the dumps and the bumps
As the adolescent punks are waiting to attack...

And the little early birdy gave my hair a curly-wurly
And asked me if I needed a ride...

The story:

Just actually looked up the lyrics again. I always thought that whole "wrapped up like a douche" thing sounded like it couldn't be right... why would anyone wrap up a douche and mail it to the ruler in the night?
The Early-Pearly thing makes less sense than my version though, in my opinion. And how does one pump his or her way into a hat?